The past two months have been a whirlwind of events in our lives. There have been wonderful surprises, new beginnings, and incredible experiences. Unfortunately, with it came heartbreaks and disappointments.
My husband and I thought we didn’t want to have another child to add to the six we already have. We were excited at the thought of being by ourselves going on adventures even before we turn 50. But to our surprise, we found out we were pregnant!?! What a big shock. Happy? Yes, it’s a blessing. Scared? Yes, I will be 37 when we have the baby. Excited? Yes, maybe a tie that would bind our family together. We decided to keep it a secret until after our first doctor’s appointment. Apparently here where we live they don’t see you until you are 10 weeks pregnant. So we had to wait for a long, long time to tell our exciting news.
I was 11 weeks when we saw the doctor. We were ecstatic! We have names picked out! We had plans on how we were going to tell the kids our surprise. We have been planning for this for a while now and we couldn’t wait to see and hear the baby for the first time. But that’s when everything changed…
As soon as the doctor placed the ultrasound probe on my stomach… and heard the words… “there is no baby”. My heart broke a little….no I lie… it was shattered. “Anembryonic pregnancy” (blighted ovum) is what she told us. Then she explained, after the egg was fertilized the embryo never developed or stopped developing due to
chromosomal abnormalities. I stared at the image and cannot believe that there isn’t any alien inside the sac. It was empty…
I can’t explain the feeling and emotions going through me after hearing the news. I think I was in a daze. All I can remember is the words… miscarriage… wait…D&C… then it was all a blur from then on until the next day on our way home after the procedure. I remember I just started crying… I was sad… heartbroken and disappointed.
We know God has a purpose for everything that happens in our lives… no matter how painful it may have been for us, we trusted in His plans. We can’t turn back time nor dwell on the past. We are hopeful that God knows what is best for us.
I am now going back and forth to the doctors office for several tests and procedures… would never have found out if not for our short lived pregnancy. Because of this I know that there’s always a purpose for everything.
This Good Friday I am reminded of the promise that “By His wounds I am healed”. He suffered this day so you and I would be made whole. I have hope in His power and love, filled with grace now more than ever.
Looking forward to what lies ahead in the future!
God bless you all!